Q&A with Adrian Hales
INTERVIEWED BY ORLA NI BHRIAIN
A mindset coach based in Richmond, London
Hi Adrian, we notice that you said on your website ‘Whoever I’m working with, I always begin with one question: ‘Beyond your name, title and role you play in society, who are you, that's more than that?’, why is that?
In life, we feel that we have to play certain roles for society and these roles might include our name, job title, social media, or who we are for friends and family. With those different roles, they require us to behave a certain way, and with that comes expectations which we place upon ourselves along with others. These expectations create different thoughts, emotions, and ways of being because we often behave in such a way that gets us recognised, accepted, or validated by everyone else which is their criteria for success and not ours. This can be the source for our own inner conflict, low motivation, and lack of fulfillment and purpose.
When we are able to ask questions like, who are you beyond your name? Who are you that's more than that? If you removed the melodrama, what remains that's important? We are able to go behind social conditioning, rules, and expectations and find out who we are at the deepest level. At that place, my coaching client has experienced more joy, peace, and freedom from the characters they have been trying to play for others. Behind those characters is liberation. From that new place, people can work on creating a life that's going to fulfill them long term, then we are living out an inspired life aligned with who we really are.
Why do you think people get stuck in a rut?
Based on my experience as a coach, they don't create a holistic view on their life with elements like meditation, health and fitness, social connection, spiritual expression, and living with purpose. I find that people have some level of inner conflict; whether that's lack of confidence, out of balanced emotions, and thoughts that actually sabotage their progress. And maybe they settle for that reality as the normal or even put up with how they are feeling, or simply they are not aware of what to do about their current situation and it becomes learned helplessness.
What advice do you give to people who are procrastinators?
If you come to a task or action which you have been procrastinating upon, if it comes into your mind once and you have not done anything about it, that's actually not procrastination. If you return to it a second time,
then you are procrastinating on the task or action. A few questions you might ask are, ‘what am I avoiding?’ or ‘What am I afraid could happen?’
What are some of the biggest problems you have noticed from your professional experience in workplaces these days?
The biggest problems are managers who pretend to be leaders but treat all their team members differently by accepting different standards from different team members. Like treating one well when they are not performing, or giving high performers a hard time etc. Which of course creates inequality and over time creates a toxic work culture.
What are the best pieces of advice you can give people who want to progress in their careers at the moment and feel a bit stuck?
Breathe, go for a walk, and take some time out to reflect. A great question I used to ask myself when I was stuck was, ‘Where am I going?’ If we are feeling stuck in our careers there is normally one thing which is keeping us stuck. Now, of course addressing that one thing can be challenging - almost like the elephant in the room, but our ability to articulate what's going on for us is so important. Being clear on our boundaries and also what's important to us on a human level.
What do you suggest to people currently working in toxic professional environments?
It really depends, I would speak with HR and address my concerns, and if it continues and is affecting your mental and emotional wellbeing, a change in an environment like working from home can help. You might want to consider how long you will allow it to last and affect your happiness just for a pay cheque.
During covid-19 what issues have you encountered with workplaces and professionals you are dealing with?
I work with private coaching clients like professionals, business owners, self-employed coaches, and famous high achievers. One of the themes that have come through is not necessarily issues but much more about reevaluating their lives and what's really important to them. A lot of people have seen the fragility of working for a corporate company and have started their own new business and created projects they deeply care about.
What do you suggest to people currently working in toxic professional environments?
It really depends, I would speak with HR and address my concerns, and if it continues and is affecting your mental and emotional wellbeing, a change in an environment like working from home can help. You might want to consider how long you will allow it to last and affect your happiness just for a pay cheque.
During covid-19 what issues have you encountered with workplaces and professionals you are dealing with?
I work with private coaching clients like professionals, business owners, self-employed coaches, and famous high achievers. One of the themes that have come through is not necessarily issues but much more about reevaluating their lives and what's really important to them. A lot of people have seen the fragility of working for a corporate company and have started their own new business and created projects they deeply care about.
What advice would you give people to stay motivated and focused on their goals, throughout the current pandemic?
I am not always sure that setting goals, staying focused, and motivated is always the answer. My advice would be to take time out for reflection about where your life is really going. What gives your life meaning, what are you inspired by, what would you love to do which you are not doing?
Make progress with things that feel natural and aligned with who you really are. Often when we have to set big goals and be super motivated there is always some level of resistance we are fighting against. Like most of us use the word discipline which means we are really fighting against something and it takes a lot of motivation, so instead I use the word devotion. What are you devoted to?
What advice would you give to people who have lost their jobs because of covid-19?
Take time to remember how valuable you are and how much amazing experience you have. Find a job or work that is going to give your life new energy, inspiration, or a sense of meaning.
What do you do every day to uplift and motivate yourself?
Cold showers, 60 min meditation, fitness, focus on my life purpose which is mindset transformation through 121 coaching and podcasts. Spend time with people who make you feel good and energised.
What books would you recommend to people seeking to improve and motivate themselves?
1. The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself
2. Book by Michael Alan Singer
3. A New Earth
4. Book by Eckhart Tolle
5. The Transparency of Things: Contemplating the Nature of Experience
6. Book by Rupert Spira
7. Braving the Wilderness
8. Book by Brené Brown
Who are the top 5 people who you have found to be most inspirational in your life, and why?
Ekhart Tolle - Find peace and presence beyond the chaos
Rupert Spira - Finding our true essence of who we are
My grandad - Compassionate, loving and resilient human and leader
Richard Rudd - Beautiful human who helps us find wholeness and prosperity
My girlfriend - Loving, driven and great human being